syco analysis
by RmS05
Summary: just some things that will never happen in twilight....mostly for laughs......read and review chapter 4 is finaly up...i swear...the real chapter 4! read and review!
1. Chapter 1

disclaimer: I do not own twilight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A/n: warning! Possible brain cell loss ahead. If your parent wish you to go to Harvard or Yale do not procede!if you are some kind of genius you will not get any smarter by reading this! You will only get dumber! If you have to go to an asylum after reading this please note that is not my fault! All i want is to provide easy entertainment for others! If you are not easily entertained DO NOT PROCEDE!!! You have been warned...

JACOB: but…but…but Bella, you should love meeeee! Why don't you love me? What dose that filthy blood sucker got that I don't got?

BELLA: ME you silly willy.he gots me! And wicked awesome dance moves!

EDWARD: im too sexy for my shirt…

R.P.: (random person): AHHHHHHH…make it stop!!!

EDWARD: too sexy for my shirt…

R.P.: EEEEEEKKKKKK!!!!!

EDWARD: so sexy it hurts!

RANDOM Person: oh the agony! The pain! Please Edward…spare me!!!

JACOB: yeah Cullen, spare us all.

BELLA: oh no…Edward please continue!

EDWARD: yayyyy!!! Im a model, you know what I mean as I shake my little tush on the catwalk…

BELLA: squeals with joy

JASPER**: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!Not again! Ahhhh…not again!! Alice!!!!**

ALICE: Edward stop, your scaring jasper.

ROSE:I am not related to these people! I don't know you people!

EDWARD: belllaaa…oh Belllllllllaaaaaaaaa…

BELLA: what Edward?

EDWARD: whoo…break it down…denenene nene nene can't touch this. Denenene nene nene can't touch this! Hammer time!!!

BELLA: yayyyyy

JACOB/JASPER/R.P.:aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

All run away screaming

ALICE: waaiitt!!!!!!!...don't leave me here!!!!!!!!

Follows others

ROSALIE: help! Anybody! Savvveeee meee!!!!Ahhhh!!!! His dancing is killing me!!!!!

Drops dead and dies

BELLA: Whoo go Edward! Hey the others are gone.

Nobody notices Rosalie's dead body.

EDWARD: their just jealous of my fly moves!...HEY Macarena!

BELLA: huh…wish I could do the Macarena.

EDWARD: ha! You'll never be able to do the Macarena because your just a measly little human!!

BELLA:I know! Falls down and cries

LUCY: hey are you doing the Macarena?

EDWARD: ye…Ahhhh its Lucy! Run Bella, run if you value your life!

Picks up the still crying form that is Bella and runs away!

LUCY: you're no fun!!!!!!

That's all folks!!!!!Tune in again for ch: 2

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Should their be a chapter two? Review if you want more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	2. who's lucy

Disclaimer :remember ya'll i don't own a thing!cept for lucy and r.p. and lee!

**chapter 2: **

bella: "who was that?"

edward: "umm...NO ONE! NOPE! NOBODY AT ALL!"

bella: "edward, you're hidding something! now tell me or i won't love you any more!"

edward: "all right all right...that was lucy."

bella: "and why didn't you want to tell me that? EDWARD ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?!?"

edward: "oh my god no! bella i would never cheat on you! its just that lucy is bloody evil! i didnt want her to bite you or something."

bella: "evil huh...well we'll just see about that."

edward: "bella, what are you going to do?"

bella: "lucy?...oh lucy?...come out come out were ever you are!"

edward: "no! no bella, don't do it! please!"

lucy: "yes?hi edward!"

edward: "eek!" screaming like a little girl

bella: "why dose edward think you're so scarey? huh? you don't frighten me!"

lucy: "i don't know...lets ask. Edward?"

edward: "eek!" hides behind bella "save me from the evilness!"

lucy: "okay then...edward is officialy psychodic."

edward: "Ah!" runs away screaming

bella: "well...i guess now that edward has left me...again...we can be freinds!"

lucy: "YAY!"

bella and lucy: "F is for freinds who do stuff together! U is for u and me! N is for anywhere and any time at all" randome chorus of people: "down here in the deep blue sea!"

-rosalie still goes unnoticed-

meanwhile in volterra:

aro: "never!"

edward: "why?" whines like a little baby

aro: "kill lucy? never!"

edward: "why?" continues with the wining

aro: "i cant! she's as happy and strange as me!she knows what its like to be different!" dramatic head movements

edward: "i'll find you someone else to be your happy and strange little friend! one that is less frightening!"

aro: "no!no!no!" throws hissy fit

edward: "find someone else!!"

aro: "no! you cant make me!"

randome person(r.p.): "DANCE PARTY!"

aro/edward: "yay!"

all 3: "it's raining men! hallaluja! it's raining men! whoo it's raining men!"

- authors note: you didn't know aro was gay? well he is in this story! and edward? well he's just trying to make aro happy so he doesn't call jane on him...then there;s r.p. who is a GIRL! -

aro: "I...WANT...RAMEN!"

edward: "why?"

aro: "beacuse...the only thing that keeps me up,when im feeling down..."

edward: "wow...aro is on something!"

aro: "shortie like mine! shortie like mine!"

r.p.: "just walk away slowly..." bolt for the door

edward: "right behind you!" quikly follows

back home in forks...

bella: "my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard!"

lucy: "and there like, its better than yours!"

bella: "damn it's right! its better than yours!"

lucy: "i could teach you, but i'd have to charge!"

bella: "that was fun! you're way more fun than edward!"

lucy: "i know!...hey bella? want to be a vampire?"

bella: "do i ever!"

lucy: bites bella

meanwhile:edwards flying back to forks

ed: "wow aro is weird!"

r.p.: "i know"

ed: "that was slightly disturbing!"

r.p.: "only slightly?"

they arive home to find rosalie dead(about time),alice and jasper still gone,bella and lucy no where to be seen and carlisle and esme about to do the time warp!

ed: complete and utter humiliation!

carlisle/esme: "lets do the time warp again!lets do the time warp again!"

carlisle: "its just a jump to your left"

esme: "and then a step to the right."

carlisle: "put your hands on your hips"

esme: "and bring your knees in tight."

both: "well it's the pelvic thrust,and then it drives you insayayayayane! let's do the time warp again! let's do the time warp again!"

ed:...twitch...

r.p.: "im gonna go now..."

ed: "DONT LEAVE ME!...by the way...where's bella?"

carlisle: "don't know."

esme: "haven't seen her."

carlisle: "probobly with lucy."

esme: "what a sweet girl!"

ed: "no! not bella!"

carlisle/esme: "calm down weirdo!"

ed:"oh no! oh no! oh no! not bella! oh the despair!" dramatic puts hand on head movements

carlisle/esme: "crazy..." puts their fingers in their ears

-edward disapears-

carlisle:"Man that kid has issues!"

esme: "maybe we should have him committed..."

carlisle: "...no...he'll eat people!"

esme: "true...so very true..."

-edward reapears in full superman costume except instead of an s on the front theres a topaz E-

ed: "IM COMING BELLA!"

meanwhile:

bella: "owie...man that smarts!"

lucy: "well duh! you just got turned into a vampire!"

bella: "i know...im so happy...YAY!"

lucy: "we should go see eddie..."

bella: "yup!...i totaly just thought of something...beacuse i'm a vampire now...i can do the mascarana!"

both: "DANCE PARETY!"

meanwhile in her lair, that is her basement,lee plots to kidnap edward

lee: "mwahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

meanwhile... ed: "wheres my sidekick?"

r.p.: "here you go!" kicks ed

ed: "owwie...dont screw up the merchendise!"

r.p.: "merchendise?"

ed: "yes...merchendise..."

r.p.: "okay then..."

ed: "now...TOO THE BATMOBILE ROBIN!"

r.p.: "batmobile? robin?...im outta here!"

ed: "no! i need you!"

r.p.: "fine...just don't call me robin!get it?"

ed: "got it!"

r.p.: "good!"

meanwhile... lee: "first i'm gonna kidnap him...then i'm gonna bring him here...and then...and then...hehehehehehe..."

so how do you all like chapter 2? hm?

REVEIWS ARE WELCOME!lots and lots of reveiws!


	3. bella's a vampire! oh no!

Disclaimer…I only owns what I make up….which is most of it!

**CHAPTER THREE!!!!!!!**

Bella: wow if only Edward could see me now!

Lucy: …he'd kill me!...

Bella: well…since you're my friend he wouldn't dare lay a finger on you!

Lucy: mmm…okay. Good enough for me! Now you go home and ill go to voltera!

Bella: why?

Lucy: I have a friend I have to see!

Bella: you have friends in voltera?

Lucy: yep!

Bella: oh…cool

Lucy: yep

Bella: well ok…bye!

Lucy: bye!

**MEANWHILE:**

Lee: and then im gonna tie him to a chair! Ooo…im gonna need lots of heavy duty rope cuz he's a stwong wittle vampire!

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_

_Now while lee plots to kidnap Edward, ed plots to save Bella from the oh so evil clutches of Lucy, while Lucy plots to go to voltera to see her dear friend Deltura, who plots to eat a doughnutwhy? We'll never know while the doughnut plots to give her indigestionto bad the doughnut doesn't know that vampires don't get indigestion…_

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_

**MEANWHILE:**

Lucy: deltura…

Deltura: mmmfffwww…eating doughnut

Lucy:…weirdo…

Aro: is that Lucy?...LUCY!!!!gives Lucy a hug

Lucy: can't breath…oh…wait…i don't have to! Yay!

Aro: puts Lucy down

Deltura: MY LUCY!

Aro: NO MY LUCY!

Deltura: NO WAY…SHE'S MY LUCY!grabs Lucy's arm and pulls

Aro: MINE! MINE! MINE I SAY!Aro does the same thing deltura is doing

Lucy: daddy…save me!!!

Marcus: back of buckos!

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_

Yes peoples…Lucy is the daughter of Marcus, one of the oh so evil volturi…hehehehe!

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_

deltura and Aro back of

Marcus: yes…that's what I thought!

Lucy: thanx daddy!

Marcus: no prob!

**MEANWHILE:**

Bella: can I have a ticket to Port Angeles?

Ticket person: o.k.….that'll be $100.50

Bella: here you go…

t.p.: you're a penny off kid…

Bella: a penny… A BLOODY PENNY!

t.p.: geez…don't have a cow…

Bella: grrrr…heres your stupid penny!

t.p.: stuttering h…h…heres y…your t…t…t…ticket

Bella: thank you…loser

t.p.: I heard that!

Bella: grrrr…and

t.p.: nothing

Bella: yeah that's what I thought! Aint nobody mess with me!! Hwa!flexes muscles

**MEANWHILE:**

Ed: come on…get the lead out!

r.p.: bite me! Grrrr

Ed: never! Grrrr

r.p.: you're weird!

Ed: so!

R.P.: weirdo!

Ed: were coming Bella!

**MEANWHILE:**

Lee: and then he'll read me bed time stories all night long…

**MEANWHILE:**

Bella: on plane ooo…peanuts…wait…ewww…peanuts! Maybe I should have hunted before getting on a plane…oh well! Edward can take me! Grrrr…uh oh…no don't give in…

**MEANWHILE: **

Lee: so…he's gonna read dr.suess…and good night moon…

**MEANWHILE:**

Lucy: has anyone seen my long lost psychotic sister?

Deltura/Aro: you have a sister?

Marcus/Lucy: yep!

Lucy: her name is lulu…

Deltura: go figure…Lucy…lulu…wow Marcus you must really like the letter L.

Marcus: sooooo!

Caius: is she gone yet?

Lucy: hey Caius!

Caius: Ahhhh! …runs and hides under ghianas desk

Lucy: deltura…your dads weird!

Deltura: I know…don't remind me…

Lucy: no problem! Why is he afraid of me again?

Deltura: no clue!

Lucy: nice. So do you want to come to America with me for a while?

Deltura: yep!

Lucy: cool!

**MEANWHILE:**

Carlisle: now where did everyone go?

Esme: I don't know but we should find them…they can't be left alone for very long…especially Edward…he's loopy!

Carlisle: I know…oh well…they'll come home eventually….

**MEANWHILE:**

Lee: okay so I have everything ready…got my rope, duct tape, and blindfold…im ready to go!

**MEANWHILE:**

Lulu: moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Hippos say moo! Dogs say oink and pigs say meow!

Insane asylum workeri.a.w.: wow this chick's crazy!

Other i.a.w.: I know man….but what do expect…we work in an asylum…

i.a.w.: I know but seriously… wack job…

**MEANWHILE:**

r.p.: wow I really need to talk to the author of this thing….im the only sane person here and that just Aint right! Hey…hey you…hey you up there! Ya you!!! I got some questions!

Author: and?

r.p.: why can't I have a real name?

Author: because…

r.p.: because why?

Author: because I said so… now deal!

r.p.: you are utterly mean!

Author: I know. Thanx!

r.p.: im the only sane one in this crazy story…

Author: sooooo….is that a problem

r.p.: no! I mean yes!

Author: well ya know what…cry me a river…build me a bridge…AND GET OVER IT!!!

**MEANWHILE:**

In a n airport

Bella: my one true love!

Edward: Bella! I…Bella?

Bella: Edward…Lucy made me into a vampire! But be nice…she's my friend!

Edward: Bella your beautiful! Where's Lucy…I want to thank her!

Lucy and deltura randomly show up…

Lucy: hey ya'll! What's shakin?

Ed: thanx for changing Bella!

Lucy: no problem…hey you're not afraid of me anymore!

Ed: am to!

Lucy: oh …who's that?

Lee: hehehehe

Ed: hey…who you be?

Lee: hehehehe…hey Edward!

Ed: umm…how do you know me?

Lee: hi Edward!

Ed: help me!

r.p.: Ed… it's just an over exited fan…nothing to wiry about!

Lee: hehehehe…hi Edward!

r.p.: umm Lucy?

Lucy: hmmm?

Lee: Edwards pretty!

Ed: I know im hot!strikes supermodel pose

r.p.: can you help me take care of the person writing this thing? She's mean!

Lucy: umm

**END OF CHAPTER 3!!!!**

Will lee kidnap Edward?

Will we ever know why deltura likes doughnuts?

Will Lucy help r.p.?

**FIND OUT IN CHAPIE 4!!!!**

_REVEIWS PREFERED!!!!!!!!!_


	4. authors note

just a little questian... i know im taking a fricken long time...but how many people actualy want the forth chapter...if you want you gots to tell me...k? and on that note how many people want another chapter to the _cullens left alone?_ well if you want more ya kno what to do...;D


	5. the real chapter four

disclaimer:i own nothing except what is mine...obviously...

**LUCY:** ummm...lee...i kinda cant do that ya kno...

**R.P.:** why not?

lucy: beacuse... i cant...

r.p. FINE!! be that way... your as bad who ever is writing this by the way... a total meanie head!!

lucy: oh realy...

lee: hi edward...your soooooooooooooo pretty!!...hehehehehehehehehehe...

ed: yeah... i know...you can stop saying that now you know...

lee: but why eddie? cutsie pouty face

ed: beacause...your starting to scare me...

lee: ooooopsie!!

ed: so will you stop now? pleady face

lee: yup!

ed: ok...thanks...so...person...whats your name exactly?

lee:...its lee...

ed: hi lee...moves closer to lee like he wants to share a secret by the way... stay away from lucy...she's evil...

lee:whitch ones lucy?

ed:points that one...

lee: oh ok...

ed: see...cant you see the evil glint in her eye?

lee:looks real hard no...are you on crack?

ed:no

lee: ok...ill take your word for it...

ed:k...so bella...your one of us now?

bella:shhhhh...not in front of lee!! what if she finds out??

lee: i already know...

bella/edward: know what shifty eyes

lee: that you are all vamps...duhhhh!!

r.p.: i want it on the record... i am not, nor have i ever been a vampire...geez...

lee: geez..sorry...wispering to self god...touchy...

ed: you know about us?

lee: thats what i just said...

ed: sorry...dont get mean...

lee: oh sorry...hey edward...drags his name out

ed: what scooting away slowly

thares a poster over there, that i dont understand. do you think you can help me cuz your so smart...

r.p.:snorts

ed:puffs out chest and walks over to lee sure of course...thay walk away

**MEANWHILE**:

caius: is she gone yet?

marcus: yes caius, lucy is gone...

caius: oh good...crawls out from under desk

aro: why are you afraid of lucy?

caius: beacuse shes a big scarey meanie!!

marcus: my daughter is _not_ a big scarey meanie!!

caius: is too!!

aro: i love lucy!! shes so strange... like me!!

caius: exactly! i rest my case!! strange happy little girls like caius scare me...

aro: i am not a girl just beacuse im in touch with my feminine side!!

marcus: aro your not a girl...caius...lucy is not scarey...

caius: is too!! sounds like whiney 2 year old

**meanwhile:**

i.a.w: ok lulu...heres your food...

lulu:what color is cheese?

i.a.w.: it varrys lulu...

lulu: oh ok then

**meanwhile:**

lucy: wow...wonder whats takin them so long...

bella: i dont know..but i need to hunt cuz r.p. is starting to look pretty tastey...drools

r.p.: help...gulps

bella: ooo look at all the tastey people...drools more

lucy: no bella...dont give in!! noooooooooooooo

bella: i wont i wont sheesh...but they do look so good...

lucy: lets go bella...grabs bellas arm and starts to pull her away from the tastey people lets go before you kill somebody...

r.p.: take your time now... make sure and get real full!!

bella: dont worry i will!!

**meanwhile:**

lee: do you get it?

ed: ye...aaaahhhhhh!!what are you doing??

lel:tyes up edward,duct tapes his mouth shut and blind folds him...

ed: hhmmppff mmmeeee!! hhmmppff mmmeeee!!

lee: shhhhh!! so you want the others to here??

ed: mmmhhhhmmmm!!

lee: well to bad!!

ed: bmmmmaaaa bmmmmaaaa!! hhmmppff mmmeeee!!

lee: be quiet edward!!

ed: nnnnnmmmmm!!

lee: what?

ed: hhmmppff mmmmeeee uuummmm beeuuummm kimnammped!!

lee: dude...chill...no one can understand you...

ed:nnnnnnnnmmmmmmmmmmmm!!

lee: now your gonna come with me to my evil lair wether you like it or not!!mwahahahahahahahahaha!!

ed:thinking what did i do to deserve this??

lee:thinking my freinds are gonna be sooooo jelous!!1 i got edward cullen...yaya i got edward cullen!! woot!!

**oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

_and thats the kidnapping of edward cullen...for anyone wanting to see edward get torchered and then rescued... review...i need 10 reveiws before the next chapter goes up...they dont even got to be good reviews...for all i care yell at me for not posting for a year... but i got to know people are still reading this..._


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